dragonimp

Wed, 26 Dec 2018 17:38:33 GMT

In a very Stop the World I Want to Get Off mood. Holidays were very bittersweet, with having to take our kittygirl in on Christmas Eve and let her go. We knew it was coming, we knew when they found and removed the tumor that she wouldn't have long, but it's still never easy. But she had stopped eating and drinking and had an infection in her mouth so it was clearly time.

This on top of the stress of trying to coordinate schedules with family and the family visit itself, and being way behind on sending gifts out, and just generally ... not being happy with a lot of things right now.

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dusts off blog

Wed, 05 Dec 2018 06:04:39 GMT

Sooo since tumblr is on the way to a dumpster fire, maybe I should revive things and start posting over here again... anyone still around?

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Mon, 27 Feb 2017 19:53:27 GMT

Crossposting from tumblr, because why not:

Had a dream last night that BONES released a follow-up movie to CoS, and somehow turned the bittersweet ending into an outright depressing one. Al died, I don’t remember what else, but nobody had a good outcome, and fandom lost its collective shit (as you do).

Woke up already plotting fixit fic and really confused. I have no idea why I was dreaming about this.

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Wed, 13 Jul 2016 00:21:33 GMT

I just sent 2/3rds of my comic books off to be donated. Then went and bought $50 worth of new comics. But I guarantee you the ones I bought are better than the majority of the ones I got rid of.

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Anyway

Wed, 25 Nov 2015 18:23:25 GMT

(Reposting from tumblr)
Things had gotten busy with work and getting ready for Thanksgiving and all, but we were managing all right, even might be getting things done on time for once -

- and then my mom busted her shoulder.

It was just one of those freak accident things that really doesn’t seem like it should have this much impact, but there we are. She’ll be all right, but now she can’t use her left arm for about 5 weeks.

So much for, y’know, doing stuff. You don’t realize just how many things you use two hands for until you suddenly can’t. Now it’s pretty much me doing stuff like cooking and laundry and dishes, as well as driving to Kaiser, moving the plants because a frost is predicted, etc. It doesn’t help that I’ve been working early shifts and got up at like 5 this morning, after going to bed at nearly midnight. I feel like it’s about 3 hours later than it is and I’ve stayed up past my bedtime.

But we did get cranberry sauce made (and fermented!), and pumpkin pie, and I had made mini doughnuts yesterday before everything went sideways. And we made some almond butter keto bombs.

(One of the things I was going to do today was catch up some on tumblr before the long weekend away, but - yeah. Not happening. I’ve I’ve missed anything major or important I apologize, social media and I have barely been nodding to each other in the hallway the last several days.)

(Also I am more than grateful to my manager for giving me Black Friday off, which I hadn’t even hoped to ask for, because retail, and OMG this is even more of a blessing now, because Mom wouldn’t be able to drive the Fit with a busted shoulder and is still having a hard time with things like, y’know, getting dressed. Busted shoulders suck.)

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Thu, 12 Nov 2015 20:21:13 GMT

I realize this isn't a new problem. But it's worse now for various reasons. I seem to have lost just about every friend here I did have to changing platforms and interests, or to my own actions. And while intellectually I know it's mostly due to the former, I'm always afraid it's because of the latter. And while in the first instance you can probably reconnect, in the second that's creepy and stalkerish because the person just wants to be rid of you but polite society won't let them say that directly. And that's always in my mind. Constantly. I'm always convinced that I fucked up in some way or have become someone they don't want to associate with anymore and I would be being obnoxious and clingy and irritating if I contacted them in some way. Because I'm pretty sure that in some cases that is the case, that I fucked up or got obnoxious or in some way became a person they don't want around, and my only hint to this is that I've been unfriended or just that I'm being ignored. I miss you guys, I miss having friends and people to talk to in general, but I don't know how to deal with this. I'm terrified of fucking things up again, of alienating more people. I'm terrified of being that obnoxious clingy person who can't take a hint. I have no way of knowing if a person doesn't really want anything more to do with me but social convention prevents them from saying so, or if they're just busy and absent minded, and I'm terrified of being wrong. And I know this isolation is my own doing but again, I don't know how to fix it, because I'm terrified of making things worse. I'm stuck in this place where I've lost all my old friends and I can't make any new ones because I'm always terrified that no one really wants to hear from me.

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Family news

Sat, 03 Oct 2015 22:47:30 GMT

Reposting from tumblr:

I am officially an aunt. My poor sister-in-law went in labor on Oct 1st, late morning or early afternoon depending on how you count it, and the baby was born today (Oct 3rd) at 2:59 pm. I can’t even imagine.

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on the Art Gallery:

Tue, 26 May 2015 00:42:02 GMT

If anyone was curious. Copy/pasted from tumblr:

Now that I’ve had a little time to collect myself and I’m not typing on my phone in the parking garage, here’s the deal with the art gallery. These are the two pictures they put up. Maybe because they were small; more likely because they’re consistent with each other.
Because that’s what they were looking for; a consistency, or a “brand,” to visually tie an artist’s work into a cohesive unit. And - hah - if you’ve seen more than one or two pieces of mine, you’ll know my art is anything but. “Varied” would be a polite way of putting it. “Scattered and inconsistent” comes to mind.
And I know that. I know I’m left of center. I know I’m often to the side of what fandom is looking for or expects. I know people often don’t know how to take my pieces. I thought I could play in the sandbox anyway. But in this case - I can’t. The fact that I’m an oddball with no consistent style or technique or theme or anything means I’m not what they’re looking for - I’m not welcome. Right now I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to submit a body of work and be accepted, because I’m just - too abnormal.
That’s the main issue. The secondary issue is, nothing on the web site indicated that this would be a juried show. It’s never been juried. Past years it was show up, ask if there was space available, pay the fee, put your art up. Two years ago they were doing good that they had a form for you to reserve a panel ahead of time. We never got any kind of confirmation that it was reserved, we just had to show up and hope they’d gotten all the paperwork together. So when I failed to get an email this year - I assumed it was the same thing. But no. Apparently the fact that I didn’t get an email was my rejection notice. And nothing on the web site told us that.
The reason for this miscommunication was that the art gallery has changed hands. Which is good, over all, because previous years really were poorly organized. The woman running the gallery now is running it like all the other art shows she’s done - juried - and didn’t know we had never been juried. Didn’t know that not getting a confirmation email was par for the course. Assumed that we would assume that no email meant not accepted.
So yeah, today was not a good day. Started with the zipper on my dress completely failing, and moved on to this.
Pretty sure this means I’ll never see hide nor hair of the piece that supposedly sold three years ago.

Picking up the two pieces today, I got the I-hope-you-submit-next-year line, which I know is supposed to be encouraging - but that's the problem. that's the kind of thing you say to be nice. I told her that what I submitted this year was pretty typical, so if they're looking for some sort of artist's brand or cohesive body of work... well... She told me they're judging it on a case-by-case basis, but if what I submitted this year wasn't cohesive enough, I don't see next year being much different. I'm not even sure I want to try.

Right now it's really kinda killed my desire to do any kind of finished art. Why even bother.

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Plus St. Nick was from Turkey, so...

Tue, 17 Dec 2013 00:38:12 GMT

All of this "white Santa - white Jesus" stuff made me think of this article/blog post, and in particular this section:

In quite notable opposition to those who are adamant that these images do nothing to suggest that the Virgin Mary was a dark-skinned woman, the 15th-century scholar Gabriel di Barletta quotes the thirteenth-century St. Albert the Great. According to him:

You ask: Was the Virgin dark or fair? Albertus Magnus says that she was not simply dark, nor simply red-haired, nor just fair-haired … Mary was a blend of complexions, partaking of all of them, because a face partaking of all of them is a beautiful one … And yet this, says Albertus, we must admit: she was a little on the dark side. There are three reasons for thinking this-firstly by reason of complexion, since Jews tend to be dark and she was a Jewess; secondly by reason of witness, since St. Luke made the three pictures of her now at Rome, Loreto and Bologna, and these are brown-complexioned; thirdly, by reason of affinity. A son commonly takes after his mother, and vice versa; Christ was dark, therefore …(Scheer p 14, Vaz De Silva p. 7)

It is also notable that according to Albertus, the dark skin of Christ is a well-known fact, and is used to demonstrate that by virtue of heredity, it follows that Mary herself would also be dark-complected

(Bolding mine.) Interesting that that gets left out of so much history/art history/religious history teachings....

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Old Man Winter

Sun, 08 Dec 2013 08:16:53 GMT

I live out in California, but in the northern half and toward the interior, so winter is a thing that happens. And by that I mean we have a few pieces of clothing that get put away for roughly half the year. The last couple years, though, I haven't had to put on more than a sweater and a fleece jacket most days. So then when we get hit with stuff like this?

We, um, kinda aren't equipped to deal with it.

It's not unknown around here. We've got all the freeze warning stuff down like pipes-and-plants-and-pets etc. And I realize those of you who get an actual winter with ice and snow and all are probably rolling your eyes at us wimps, but - yeah, that's kinda the point, we are winter wimps. Like, unless you're someone who habitually travels up to gold country in the winter, you probably don't own more than one or two actual winter tops, and nothing warmer than a pair of jeans, which, um, isn't that warm. I don't think I own any sweaters that are actually wool, and I'm not even sure where I could get one outside of a sports store. I own gloves, but again, they're the wimpy oh-it's-50-degrees-and-kinda-windy, I-don't-want-to-touch-the-steering-wheel kind of gloves.

Our house isn't that well insulated, either, so the heating bill is going to be fun.

But actually? This is more like what I remember from when I was a kid. I remember having to wear a down jacket and walking to school with frost on the ground. This is still extreme for this area, but I'm also kinda going - oh yeah, winter. It's a thing.

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Museums, cylinders, and painting on silk

Sat, 21 Sep 2013 18:55:47 GMT

We went to the Asian Art Museum yesterday, which is always and all-day affair and usually exhausting. But we wanted to see the Cyrus Cylinder while it was here. It's a fascinating exhibit, both historically and artistically.

But also there was Japanese Art from the Larry Ellison Collection, and it got me thinking about wall scrolls. More specifically how many of them are painted on silk.

Now you can't really just paint right onto plain silk because it will bleed. Silk painting usually uses a resist of some kind but the wall scrolls don't look like they use that. I would assume the silk is treated in some way - like the way linen or cotton canvases are treated and gessoed - but my Google-fu is not turning up what I want to know. You can get silk already prepared for painting, but I can't find anything that says what is traditionally used. Or even not traditionally, I'd settle for a modern equivalent.

And then I found this artist who paints freehand on silk with sumi ink. But all it says is that she uses a fixing solution in the ink to make the garment washable.

And I'm sitting here going "What fixing solution? What do you use?? How do you prepare the fabric??? AAAAAAAAHH!!" But my Googling has turned up even less on this than on silk wall scrolls.

But goddamit I wanna know how she does that!!

(Also still want to know how wall scrolls are made.)

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Fanime!

Tue, 28 May 2013 19:59:21 GMT

Still kinda worn out from the Marathon Con Weekend. Haven't downloaded the few pictures that I got yet, so those'll be in a separate post, but I thought I'd do a bit of a report.

It was hectic and busy and tiring but I had a GREAT time! Got to hang out with tierfal and friend who's internet name I don't know (ack sorry!!) and also got to meet up with actionranger.

But first, the con itself:

( long post is long )

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On feminist/feminism

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 21:46:17 GMT

Okay, I've run into this opinion a number of times now, and it bugs me. It is:

A man can't be a feminist. He can be a feminist ally, but not a feminist.

I guess the semantics are really important to some people, but I never thought it was a gendered term. This is the dictionary.com definition of feminist:

1. advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.

2. an advocate of such rights.

And for feminism:

1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2. ( sometimes initial capital letter ) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
3. feminine character.

Nothing in that says you can't have a Y chromosome.

I'm sure there's a lot of men who don't "get it", but I'd say they're not truly feminists. For the ones who do get it - why kick them out of the club, as it were? Why reduce them to the secondary status of "ally"?

I'm curious to hear people's thoughts on this.

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Mon, 20 Feb 2012 21:43:11 GMT

It's not until someone actually posts art to one of the comms that I realize I haven't seen a whole lot of art posts lately. And by "lately" I mean the past few years. I know fandom has slowed in general but I hadn't thought about that part of it.

I've been going so long not posting art - or much about art - here (on LJ/DW, I mean) that I don't really think about it. I kinda assume that people know where to go if they want to see it, but that's probably a false assumption. I wouldn't be surprised if most people on the comms at this point didn't know I do fanart. Not that I produce that much. (And no, I don't think I'll be posting art that's not attached to a fic or something else any time soon.)

I dunno, I just realized I kinda miss seeing art on the comms. But I wish they were more active in general, really.

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On food

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:53:51 GMT

I wish I had a more normal relationship with food. It'd be nice to just eat things without having something start turning my stomach all of a sudden. It'd be nice to be able to eat and enjoy a bigger variety of things, too.

(-barely got through my eggs this morning because they started wigging me out. And I like eggs.)

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gotta watch those greens

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 15:54:08 GMT

I dreamed about fire-breathing ducks last night. They ate a certain kind of leafy green and then could breathe fire. It worked for some people, too. They used it for self-defense and to keep down an invasive species of grass that was taking over the roadways.

IDK, I got up far too early this morning to take my mom to the airport, I'm not going to try to make sense of that. I'm going to have a second cup of tea - my first caffeinated cup - and go take a shower.

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/dork

Sat, 07 May 2011 04:50:33 GMT

Mom and I got lunch at a nearby Panera after taking care of some business at the social security office. Our salads came with apples, but since the salad was pretty sweet on its own we were saving the apples for later. Anyway, I finished first and was examining the apples (they're fujis, the red and green patterns are interesting, you can see how the sun must've hit them as they were hanging on the tree - I spent a year painting apples in school, I can't help it). I do realize when I think about it that most people don't really stare at apples (or most anything) quite that closely, but they're fascinating and mom and I were talking about possible compositions (did I mention I painted apples?) - when one of the staff walked by and asked if there was something wrong with the apple and did I need it replaced? Because I was staring at it awfully intently and I could get it replaced if I wanted.

That would've been funny enough, but my knee-jerk reaction was along the lines of "No! My apples! You can't take my apples!" which I thankfully didn't actually say.

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overdue post

Wed, 20 Oct 2010 19:10:21 GMT

Yeah, so, I obviously didn't get to this when I thought I would c_c. So yeah, weekend! Part of it was spent getting a new phone, obviously. To be honest, I didn't want a smart phone so much as a newer PDA, as my Palm Tungsten is 6-7 years old and starting to fail. But since solo PDAs don't exist anymore, it was either get an ipod touch - which I'm not really keen on - or a smart phone. So far I really like the Pre Plus. There's a couple things that my old Palm did that it doesn't quite, but nothing major. My only complaints right now are that I wish it had an audiobook player and a document editor. Both may or may not be in the works, but I haven't found apps for them yet.

The other big thing was a trip to Fries, which - for me - turned out to be a bust. The connection between my computer and the external drive I use as a backup failed several weeks ago, and since the problem seemed to be either with the drive or the cable, I figured the cheapest thing to do would be to replace the cable. No good; the computer still can't detect it. I don't have the money for a new external drive at the moment, so that's sorta dead in the water.

The other goal was to get a new mouse. The Gyration Air Mouse I've been using for the past 5 years has started to die, and I figured I had better get a new one before it goes out completely. The one I have was the lower-end model of the time, so I got the current lower-end model, figuring it would be a newer version. Well - no. Yeah, it's a gyro mouse, but that's about the end of the similarities. It's much lighter, which itself wouldn't be a problem, but the weight is balanced funny, it's also smaller, so I end up holding it up in my fingers instead of against my palm. Those two things make the gestures awkward and make me constantly feel like I'm going to drop it. I was also tensing my hand, which kinda defeats the purpose. Also, instead of a rechargeable battery, it uses 2 triple-As. Since this would be my primary mouse, I'd end up going through a lot of batteries.

The upshot of all that is, I need to drive back down to Fries - a 40-minute drive - and exchange it. Gyration has another model that's a)bigger and b)rechargeable that should work much better.

Other than that, I've been spending my time trying to get a bunch of last-minute things done before the con - not all of which have to do with the con. BUT - Sunday evening my mom was kind enough to help me with the costume I've been working on for the past *mumblemumble*. It meant I missed FAP, but under the circumstances, I'd say it was justified. Just a few more touches and it should be done! Which means I should actually have a cosplay!

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moble posting

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 04:53:15 GMT

Posting via my new Palm Pre, though I really need to find a dedicated app for this, the web browser really doesn't cut it. I may need to switch this phone out, though; the display is giving me issues :P

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Tue, 05 Oct 2010 04:18:49 GMT

I just need to attach the mounting hardware to the painting, and then I'm essentially ready for the Art Walk! And it's Monday! There's other stuff I could do, but nothing else that needs to be done. Which makes me a lot freer to attend the virtual conference. All the conference material can be viewed after the fact (it's a conference for ADDers, they know what to expect) but I'd still like to attend a few of the sessions live.

But it also hopefully means I can get other stuff done this week - y'know, like housework.

And maybe some writing.

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On FMA, all of FMA (no spoilers, all descriptions vague)

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 21:51:06 GMT

Now that I've had some space from 108 and stepped back for some breathing room, I realized a few things. Foremost, while there were some elements in the ending that left me with a sour taste, it doesn't change everything leading up to it. It's still an amazing series. It's been a long time since I've felt such a strong connection with a set of characters, and I don't think I've ever flailed so much month after month. It has a few tarnished edges and a cheap brass cap, but it's still mostly gold.

The anime - the first anime - falls apart in several places with plot and character, especially in the second half. But it is masterful at telling a story. Even when you're sitting there wondering how in the hell that plot point makes sense and who handed Al the idiot ball, you're still anxious for the next episode. And it kept that up all the way through to the end. The movie had a lot of problems and some cardboard characterization, but it's thrilling and compelling and damn fun to watch. AND it puts an appropriate finishing touch on the saga. Ironically, I didn't like the end of the movie because I found it too depressing, but by damn it fit the story. Happily Ever After is what fanfic is for. Canon needs to be true to itself.

Which brings me back to the manga. In contrast, the manga is expertly plotted and (forced romance aside) has excellent characterization throughout. We see the characters grow and change, but they always stay true to themselves. The storytelling is top-quality as well. It does drag in a few places, but it keeps you coming back and keeps you wanting more.

The ending, on the other hand, slips sideways and stumbles. It forgets what it is. Not completely, but enough to leave that sour taste. An ending shouldn't make you want to write fix-it!fic that makes things less perfect, but that's what it gives me.

But. Up until then, up until canon forgot itself, it's still an amazing piece of storytelling. Arakawa is still one of my idols - I can only wish I could plot that well. The manga is still as dear to me as the anime, and the sub-par ending doesn't change that.

(You might've noticed I didn't mention Brotherhood. It has some good moments, but is overall mediocre and disappointing. But mostly I left it out because it doesn't stand well on its own. It's supplementary material to the manga.)

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Stash Enhancement eXperience - denied :(

Fri, 14 May 2010 04:20:59 GMT

I have a lust for art supplies that goes beyond their objective usefulness. It doesn't matter that I have six untouched canvases at home, if I walk past a display of canvases I want some. If it's of drawing pads I want drawing pads, even though I have several. I have a full set of pencils and more mechanical pencils than I could use but if I walk past a display I want some (The ones I bought today were totally justified. No, really - PenAgain is awesome and I've been wanting ergonomic pencils ever since I found the pens. But that doesn't excuse lusting after pencils that are basically duplicates of ones I already have.) I've yet to get the hang of brush pens and never ink in anything but black, but when I saw a pack of 4 color Prismacolor brush pens I wanted them. Paints, pastels, markers, clay - hell, the cleaners get me excited (no, I haven't been sniffing them). This made things even more difficult when I thought I might have to give up art, walking by an art store was like double torture. Now it's just trying to justify the expense. (I want more pan pastels. And the proper tool for them, since I somehow missed it when I bought the first batch.)

I'd worry, except a lot of people do this with things like fabric and yarn. My stash tendencies just extend to, uh, pretty much anything to do with art.

(Triggered by walking through Office Depot - looking for laminating pouches, something completely unrelated - and getting caught by their relatively small display of art supplies that was basically a shrine to Prismacolor.)

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Sun, 07 Feb 2010 07:24:32 GMT

We have bright shiny new double-paned argon windows! Unfortunately the clearing/installation/cleanup has pretty much eaten up both yesterday and today (as well as several hours earlier in the week) and my computer time has been limited. Yesterday my computer was off and pulled away from the wall for the whole morning and well into the afternoon, until I finally got to where I could shove the furniture back into position.

Of course this all means I didn't really get any writing done ^^;. But! I'm into the rewriting now.

I did get a start on the postcard which is my other obligation for help_haiti. That's going to have to go slowly, though.
(Zakai, I am working on that other picture, too, I haven't forgotten it! It's just, well, going to go slow.)

All right, my computer has issues whenever it's turned off for an extended period of time (it seems happiest when I leave it on for days and days, go fig) - I thought it was doing okay, but just now I noticed the Finder is not responding, and it wigged out when I tried to open iTunes earlier. So I'm going to have to restart, and then put it to sleep for the night, because it's gotten late.

Night, all.

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And now for something non-holiday related

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 01:23:02 GMT

(Don't let the icon fool you)

My subconscious seems to be trying to give me AU bunnies. Meaning, I spent all last night dreaming of the FMA cast in AU settings. The university ones were fun. Ed kicked ass in wrestling, took one look at the pool and tried to back away (the dream didn't cooperate), and I really wish I could remember the song he and Al were playing on guitar. (Al was playing bass guitar. I don't know why that was significant, but it was.) Roy was apparently the only one taking academic classes. The dream made no sense, but it was fun!

Yeah, but, the war dream? No. Just - no. I am not killing Al on the battlefield. I don't care how meaningful or emotional or touching. Just - no. Try again.

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Etc.

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 01:53:12 GMT

I remember reading in Stephen King's On Writing the idea that we all write for a "perfect reader." His is his wife. It made a lot of sense to me because that's exactly what I do, or did. For original fiction, my perfect reader is my mom. She's also my editor.

But I realized I don't have that for fanfic (either one). I've unconsciously fallen into thinking I did a few times, only to be disappointed. I've tried to distance myself from it, but doing that is not easy and feels unnatural. I think it's only normal to write with someone in mind. So who am I writing for? Does it matter?

Not that I've been writing. I've been doing a lot of thinking about writing the last few days, but I haven't been able to get myself to sit down and put words to anything. Part of the problem is that I'm going to feel guilty no matter what I work on, and I haven't really wanted to deal with that. I know people are waiting for the fanfic, but Silver has been sitting for so long that anyone who might have been following it has probably given up. As far as I can tell, anyway. But this is my baby and I need to finish it.

Not that I've been completely unproductive. I rediscovered the joys of velour and pastel dust, and impossible to open fixative cans. I can't even express how it feels to be able to draw again. I still have to be careful, but it's not making me want to curl up and weep afterwards.

Tomorrow I will get back on the writing. Though on what, I'm not sure.

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