Mmm. I'm enjoying this work, but there are a few things that throw me off.
- The Amestrians sometimes use Japanese honorifics. Maybe it's just my personal pet peeve, but since Amestris is the alchemy-version of Germany, it seems out of place. - You sometimes use "site" when you mean "sight." Site is for locations, sight is for vision. So, in Ch. 6 it should be "Yu caught sight of" instead of "Yu caught site of." - You use "complement" when you mean "compliment." To complement is to complete something, to compliment is to praise, so in ch. 8 Ed should compliment Roy, though you may also think he complements him.
Anyway, these are just minor nitpicks that distracted me while I was reading. Please don't take these criticisms the wrong way; I enjoy your work, and like Ed, I only nitpick because I think you're at the nitpicking point. :) It's nice to see that you're looking for a beta, so hopefully these issues will be dealt with.
Overall I like the way you're dealing with the fallout from the movie and the end of the series.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2008-07-31 01:26 am (UTC)- The Amestrians sometimes use Japanese honorifics. Maybe it's just my personal pet peeve, but since Amestris is the alchemy-version of Germany, it seems out of place.
- You sometimes use "site" when you mean "sight." Site is for locations, sight is for vision. So, in Ch. 6 it should be "Yu caught sight of" instead of "Yu caught site of."
- You use "complement" when you mean "compliment." To complement is to complete something, to compliment is to praise, so in ch. 8 Ed should compliment Roy, though you may also think he complements him.
Anyway, these are just minor nitpicks that distracted me while I was reading. Please don't take these criticisms the wrong way; I enjoy your work, and like Ed, I only nitpick because I think you're at the nitpicking point. :) It's nice to see that you're looking for a beta, so hopefully these issues will be dealt with.
Overall I like the way you're dealing with the fallout from the movie and the end of the series.