I really enjoy your story telling talent/writing style: It has an e z 2 read flow to it. Very descriptive and intimate- makes one feel part of the story or being a first hand observer in the events. Like reading this chapter almost felt like being at the reception/event. Don't know if that makes much sense-that's why I'm a reader and not a writer. This is the first chapter that I've come across anything that I felt was forced. 1) There's been so much mention of the behavior and suspicions of Marcus's actions/intentions/motivation--knowing how protective Roy is of Ed and Ed is of Roy- I find it difficult to believe that they would allow so much time to pass with this man around, continuing his suspicious behavior to go on unchallenged or investigated. At worst, Marcus's intent is malicious/dangerous...at best it may just be jealousy, lust or hateful homophobia. I can't see either Roy or Ed allowing either the lesser or more serious possibilities to go on for such a long period of time. 2) Winry's blatant disregard for Ed's well known attitude of not wanting to draw attention to his automail. Not so much in his circle of friends and co-workers-I could see her doing it then. But not in a large group of special guests and dignitaries and strangers. Worse is Al's being Winry's enforcer and dragging Ed to Winry, where she manhandles his automail as if it's a display model and not his arm and hand. Al is keeper of Ed's secrets and his protector. Even if Al is pussy whipped by Winry- I can't see him put what Ed considers his badge of shame and proof of his sin of human transmutation so shamelessly on display to a group of political dignitaries and any other party goer who may happen to be around. She doesn't ask Ed if he would mind removing his glove but yanks it off of him_ and goes as far as wanting him to take his jacket and shirt off. I'm surprised she didn't tell Al to pull his pants down to show off the leg as well. Neither of these events take away from the enjoyment of the story. I only mention them because the rest of the story is so flawless, that these 2 points jumped out at me as not quite right. Thanks for writing and sharing such an enjoyable story. I look forward to continue enjoying the upcoming chapters.
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branchandroot
Great Story/Story Teller
Date: 2008-02-29 10:16 pm (UTC)2) Winry's blatant disregard for Ed's well known attitude of not wanting to draw attention to his automail. Not so much in his circle of friends and co-workers-I could see her doing it then. But not in a large group of special guests and dignitaries and strangers. Worse is Al's being Winry's enforcer and dragging Ed to Winry, where she manhandles his automail as if it's a display model and not his arm and hand. Al is keeper of Ed's secrets and his protector. Even if Al is pussy whipped by Winry- I can't see him put what Ed considers his badge of shame and proof of his sin of human transmutation so shamelessly on display to a group of political dignitaries and any other party goer who may happen to be around. She doesn't ask Ed if he would mind removing his glove but yanks it off of him_ and goes as far as wanting him to take his jacket and shirt off. I'm surprised she didn't tell Al to pull his pants down to show off the leg as well. Neither of these events take away from the enjoyment of the story. I only mention them because the rest of the story is so flawless, that these 2 points jumped out at me as not quite right. Thanks for writing and sharing such an enjoyable story. I look forward to continue enjoying the upcoming chapters.