dragonimp: (Ed angst)
[personal profile] dragonimp
This may be the last I post in a while; school is a demanding mistress.
Title: In the Rough
Author:[livejournal.com profile] dragonimp
Rating: PG
Genre: Songfic, angst (somewhat?)
Pairing: Roy/Ed, Ed/OC
Warnings: None
Summary: You say you fell while holding diamonds in your hands / "It's your fault for running holding diamonds," I said
Notes: This song kept trying to bunny me, and I didn't want it to because it's a break-up song and I like my boys to stay together. But the bunny and I did some negotiating, and came up with this. The song is "In the Rough" by Anna Nalick.
Companion Art: Ed and Megan



It couldn't have lasted the way it was. Looking back, Roy could see that. Maybe he could even have seen it at the time, but oh, he'd wanted it to last, so badly that maybe he'd blinded himself to the signs.


They'd both been desperate, back then. Desperate and more than a bit lost now that neither of them had the focus he'd clung to for so long. That's how they'd been together; desperate and passionate.


And somewhere along the line, Ed had grown dissatisfied. And Roy—Roy had grown complacent.


"This isn't working."


You say you fell while holding diamonds in your hands


"It's your fault for running holding diamonds," I said


It shouldn't have come as such a surprise. He should have seen it coming. It shouldn't have hurt so much.


"What are you talking about?" He'd tried to laugh like it was all just a joke; but if it was a joke, Roy had been the butt of it.


"This." Ed had waved his arms to indicate the house, their shared lives, everything. "It's not working. It's—I'm sorry, Roy, but it's just not. I can't do this anymore."


And I offer no sympathy for that


"You can't be serious. Fullmetal—Ed, you can't just—throw away everything we have, just like that—"


I hear that it was you who died alone


"What everything? What 'we'? This is your life, Mustang, always has been. I'm just tacked onto the edge of it."


And I offer no sympathy for that


"What are you talking about? Of course you have your own life—"


"I have a position you got me, and I can't do anything I want with it without you sticking your nose in—"


"Protocol—"


"Bullshit. And it's not just the job. 'Our' friends are mostly your friends—and they're great, they are, but I don't have anything that's mine. Even this house, everything in it is you."


"If you wanted to redecorate, you only needed to say something—"


"That's the point! It'd still be yours. Roy. . . ." Ed had reached out to him then, his expression pained but unyielding. "You try to control everything. I don't think you even realize you do it, but you do. And I can't do this anymore."


Better off I sparkle on my own


"But—I love you. I just want—"


"I know. I know you're just doing what you think is best, but . . . I need to live my own life."


It hadn't been as simple as that, Roy had pulled out every argument he could think of, anything that might make Edward reconsider, anything that might make him stay, but the young man's stubbornness was almost as legendary as his alchemy. In the end, Roy had let him go. He'd let go, because otherwise Ed would have torn him in two as he pulled away.




And someday love will find me in the rough


Someday love will finally be enough




Edward got himself transferred out of Central, and out of Roy's life. The older man kept track of him when he could. It wasn't hard; Ed never had completely lost his flair for making a scene. He settled, or at least bought a house, out in one of the suburbs, barely an hour by car but so, so very far from Roy and Roy's life.


But it was inevitable that he would come back to Central; he was still working for the state, after all. Roy simply waited.


I turned around 3 times and wound up at your door


Now you say you know all you did not know before


They were a little awkward with each other at first, but Edward did seem genuinely glad to see him. They got lunch, and they caught up. Made small talk. They still fit together so easily; not in any way that made sense to most people, full of angles and sharp words, but so comfortable. Roy let himself hope. And he let himself voice that hope, because didn't this prove that they could still be something . . .?


And I offer no sympathy for that


But Ed's response was to give him sad, resigned smile.


I hear that it was you who died alone


"You still don't get it, do you."


"What's not to get? You could still keep your new position. We could—"


And I offer no sympathy for that


Gloved fingers against his lips, and such a sad, aching look, and he realized that the younger man's heart was breaking just as much as his. And yet;


"I can't, Roy; we can't. You don't. . . ." His hand slid back to cup the back of this head, and Roy looked down into the gold eyes he loved so much and just broke. "You don't want a partner. Not really. You try to own everything. And I . . . I do love you, Roy, please believe me when I say that. But I can't be that for you."


Better off I sparkle on my own


"What can I. . . ."


"I don't know. This is just . . . who you are."


"I'm sorry. . . ."


"Yeah. Me, too."




And someday love will find me in the rough


Someday live will finally be enough




I got your love letters


I threw them all away


And I hear you think that I'm crazy


I'm driving 95


And I'm driving you away


And I shine a little more lately





They'd parted, but they didn't say goodbye. Roy still kept track of Ed. He wrote, when he could force himself to make the letters nothing more than friendly, hey-here's-my-life, how's-yours? notes. Ed even wrote back occasionally. Those brief, almost illegible letters and the news he got through the grapevine were enough to let him know that Edward was moving on with his life. And, because his pride was still such that he wouldn't let himself be out-done or done-in by the younger alchemist, Roy forced himself to do the same.




Someday love will find me in the rough




He dated; he honestly enjoyed being back on the dating scene. But he always made a point of being around when Ed was due back in Central. Just for lunch and a chat to catch up. That's all.


His heart wouldn't be able to take anything more.


And each time Edward was glad to see him. As the months turned into years, they developed something of an easy friendship. Roy learned to accept what he had and not push for anything more. He was too afraid that the alternative would mean losing the younger man from his life entirely.


Someday love will finally be enough


But it was still with a hesitant sort of trepidation that Ed informed him that he was getting married. Roy hugged him, and wasn't lying when he told him he was happy for him, because no one deserved a shot at a normal life more than Edward.


"I want you to be there. You're one of my closest friends, and I'd really—I'd like it if you could be there. But, if you can't, I'd understand—"


"I'll be there."


That evening he went through an entire bottle of whiskey, but he was sober for the wedding. He owed that to Ed. And to himself.




Someday love will find me in the rough




Roy still wrote; Edward still wrote back. They still saw each other whenever Ed came to Central, or whenever Roy happened to be out in Ed's area. Before long Edward had a daughter, and at times he would talk about nothing else. Roy called him Hughes more than once; they both laughed at that, but it never stopped the young father from gushing. Roy didn't expect it to.


Megan was a bright, cheerful girl with her mother's oval face and soft brown eyes, and a stubborn set to her jaw that made Roy want to laugh because Ed may as well be lecturing a mirror. She also had her father's sense of mischief and penchant for trouble, and her mother's sweet charm that let her talk her way out of just about anything she could get herself into. She was a tornado in pigtails and Roy simply adored her. Edward often brought her with him when he visited Central and Roy always managed to spoil her silly. Ed complained, but he never meant it. He was more than wrapped around his daughter's little finger.


Roy asked the younger man once why his wife never came with him. Edward shrugged and said she didn't like the city.




Someday love will finally be enough




And because they kept in touch, and because Roy had made an art out of reading people and the subtleties between them, he was not wholly surprised when Ed showed up unannounced on his doorstep one evening.


"Ellie kicked me out. Al lives too far away, I didn't know where else. . . ."


Roy ushered him in, sat him down, and waited. Because he had learned, finally learned, after all these years, when not to push or pull. A few hours and half a bottle of whiskey later, Ed opened the dam and let the entire story spill forth; the growing distance between him and his wife, the way she had started to criticize him for little things, things that he had always done, his increasing irritation that lead to more and more time spent in the lab and away from home, and finally the screaming fight that had ended with her slamming the door in his face. And poor Megan's increasing distress and anger as she watched her parents tearing themselves apart.


"I'm so sorry, Ed. Truly. I'm sorry things have turned out this way."


"Yeah, me too." He empted his glass, and stared at it, as if trying to read the answers in the bottom. Roy could have told him that didn't work. "She even called me a bad father. Said I was a . . . bad example for Megan. Said Meg's better of without me." Roy couldn't begin to imagine how that must have stung. He winced in sympathy but kept quiet. "Dun' care what she thinks. She ain't keepin' me from my daughter."


"Nor can she, legally. If she tries, let me know. I can put you in touch with someone."


"Thanks. . . ."


Roy refilled their drinks, but again kept his peace.


"I really loved her, y'know? She's . . . it's like she's not the same person I married. Shit. 'M not the same, neither. But . . . I really loved her."


"I know. I know you did."


After several more hours and the rest of the whiskey, Roy lifted Ed's feet onto the couch and draped a blanket over him, and when he slid the glasses off the younger man's face he couldn't help but notice the fine salt-spray on the inside of the lenses.




Edward got himself transferred back to Central. His thirteen-year-old daughter insisted he rent the apartment near the library she'd helped him find. She would only be with him every other weekend while school was in session, but despite this, or perhaps because of it, Ed made every effort to make his apartment feel as much like home to her as her mother's house. Roy offered to help in any way he could, but then stepped back and let Edward come to him, though he checked in on him often.




A year or so later and they'd settled into a comfortable sort of closeness. Roy didn't push for more; Edward was still hurting from his separation from his wife. And Roy had learned, finally, that some things were better left outside his control.


"Thanks for, well, for everything," Edward said one evening after they'd had dinner together. "For always being there. I still think you're a manipulative, scheming bastard—"


"And I still think you're a smart-mouthed, arrogant brat."


A pause, and a friendly glare.


"Anyway. I still can't let you run my life. . . ."


"I'm to busy with my own to try to manage yours."


". . . But I think . . . I'd like for you to share it. If you don't mind me sharing yours."


"I think . . . that sounds perfectly wonderful."


"Yeah. Me, too."




I shine a little more lately




Cross posted at [livejournal.com profile] fma_yaoi and [livejournal.com profile] steelandsparks.

Date: 2007-08-29 01:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tsubaki-dono.livejournal.com
How sweet! I love the way that Roy learned his lesson and they got back together in the end. It's just the way of life for some thing to fall apart and others to start... and some to mend.

Nicely paced and I love the way you subtly showed Roy learning instead of extra long thought-processes. Thanks for sharing!

Date: 2007-08-30 07:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
Thank you for reading! ^^ I'm glad you liked it.

Date: 2007-08-29 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sadler-girl.livejournal.com
This was so good. Touching and moving and so sweetly sad all at the same time. It really is lovely, I am glad I found it.

Date: 2007-08-30 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
Glad you like it! It's a bit of a departure from my usual fics.

Date: 2007-08-29 06:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inuyashanohime.livejournal.com
Oh wow...this is just lovely. Heartbreaking and yet so sweet...

This is wonderful...

Date: 2007-08-30 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
Thank you! ^_^

Date: 2007-08-29 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wind-storms.livejournal.com
I couldn't resist sneaking a peek at this before class this morning, and I just had to reread it again. I really like the way you wrote this, it flows nicely. There aren't a lot of Roy/Ed stories out there where Ed is the one to end it and I'd been wanting to read one for a while. That said, I'm glad they got back together. Nice work!

Date: 2007-08-30 07:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
Huh, I guess there aren't very many where Ed is the one to end things, I'd never thought about it. Glad you liked it!

Date: 2007-08-29 09:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nyagosstar.livejournal.com
heartbreaking and lovely and so very, very them. i can see it taking roy years, just acres of them, to learn to let go and be the person that ed needs him to be. and ed with a daughter? brilliance.

Date: 2007-08-30 07:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
Ed would be such a doting father ;). Thanks for reading!

Date: 2007-08-30 12:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flamemetal89.livejournal.com
Really lovely story here, I love the ending for it and how everything came back together in the end ♥

Date: 2007-08-30 07:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
I couldn't resist getting them back together. Glad you liked it!

Date: 2007-08-30 04:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secretfreaky.livejournal.com
In the beginning my heart was aching for them. The way they grow closer over the years is beautiful. The ending had my heart weeping in joy. Magnificent story. *bows low*

Date: 2007-08-30 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
I hated keeping them appart for so long. Glad it worked, though. Thanks for reading!

Date: 2007-08-30 11:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ankoku-tenshi.livejournal.com
Oh, it's so cute. The pacing is really good too! ^^ great job!

Date: 2007-08-31 05:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

Date: 2007-08-31 11:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] noob-alchemist.livejournal.com
That was so bittersweet! I love the ending, it was so perfect and proves that true love really does exist! (roy & ed still loving each other even after soo many years) ♥

Date: 2007-08-31 05:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
Yep, never stopped loving each other ^_^. Thanks for reading!

Date: 2007-09-01 06:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 10other-words.livejournal.com
Nice bittersweet story. The pacing was wonderful. I especially like how everything was nicely layered, on the outside it was just friends but there was still the love, longing and even hurt. Of course the ending was just wonderful.

Date: 2007-09-02 01:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it ^_^.

Date: 2007-09-02 03:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] miss-poppet.livejournal.com
That was very bittersweet. You're a very good author, and you don't find much good fic where Ed ends it and Roy learns from it. :3

Date: 2007-09-02 06:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
Thanks ^_^. Yeah, I've seen other fics where they break up, but not many where they - either of them, really - seem to learn from it. Glad you liked!

Date: 2007-09-09 09:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radcat38.livejournal.com
I really liked your story. You are a talented writer and you crafted this story well. Sometimes people need to grow more before they come back together and I am glad to see that here. It is almost like coming back around in a circle. I like Roy and Ed together but they needed to part for both to learn and grow. If they hadn't Ed would never have had his daughter. I also like Anna Nalick and that song. Thanks.

Date: 2007-09-10 04:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonimp.livejournal.com
^_^ Thank you for reading. I'm glad you liked it (and nice to find another Anna Nalick fan!). It is sort of like coming full circle; I really like the idea that they'd be able to grow together instead of growing apart.

Date: 2011-03-11 10:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sara-the-lazy.livejournal.com
Very powerful piece. Great use of the song (I love Anna Nalick!) and I like seeing a different dynamic between Ed and Roy than you've usually written.

Date: 2015-05-09 10:04 pm (UTC)
lynx212: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lynx212
Yup this is me still stalking you!

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